The Relationship Scare

Even though my preferred area of residence lies in the big city, I occasionally like to return to my roots and visit my little home town 100 km’s outside of my beloved metropolitan area.

Yes, I grow and change constantly but somehow the fact that people in my home town might do the same, completely passes me by. You can possibly relate to the frights I perceive when previous high school class mates have suddenly given birth to a litter of mini-me’s or married seemingly sudden after having known their groom for a few months only. I guess we all go through that.

These kinds of news are nothing, NOTHING, compared to an ex boyfriend suddenly dating one of your friends. How the hell do they even know each other?! They are so different, went to different schools, go to different hang outs, have different views of life and are generally as similar as night and day.

And then it dawned on me. They are living in a crowded, compressed space. Even though people might have different areas of interest, chances are good their tiny town pathways may cross sometime in their lives. Plus with sites such as Facebook, networking is that much easier. And let’s be honest, there isn’t that much choice in a small town like that. If you have slept with one or two men in town, you technically slept with all inhabitants.

So after I have disgested these news, all that was left for me was to wish the new couple all the happiness in the world and move on with my life. Just because it didn’t work out between him and me, doesn’t mean he couldn’t be HER Mr Right…

Believing in soul mates

There is an old belief that still goes around nowadays, which says that there is a soul mate for every person out there.

My own experiences and tv series such as Sex and the City have left me doubting the validity of this seeminly ancient piece of wisdom. Especially in big cities, where there are more sexual partners to chose from than clothes in a warehouse, it seems unlikely there is only one person out there for us.

My best friend for example has met many innocent fellas she deemed lovable and accepted their undying love proposals. Usually, these prospects soon disappear before I have even met them a second time, though every time she calls them “The One”.

I can understand if you meet a sexy, smart, funny, and rich man and he takes great liking to you, you will become weak and believe he is Mr Right. Hell, the Fifty Shades trilogy has illustrated this popularly. But funny, sexy, smart men also have their flaws and so most relationships end as soon as you get to know the other person a little better. I guess the secret ingredients for a successful relationship are compatibility and compromise. Loving and accepting the other person’s character traits and compromising certain lifestyle choices of yourself to accomodate your partner. If you can do this, it is very possible that you could fit with a number of people on the globe.

It is also rubbish to believe that men will like certain character traits in a woman. Sure, there is the odd exception but usually its all about boobs, butts and body shape. If a guy meets a girl with pretty breasts, a tight butt and a sociably acceptable body, he will go for her. Doesn’t matter whether they share interests, if they like her personality etc. That all comes later. And once they date a girl and realize there is no common ground, the relationships ends. Wouldn’t it be wiser to try on the dress before you buy it? I still believe in compatibility, meeting someone whom you like so much, that every minute with them is exciting all year around.

Maybe I am a hopeless romantic. I see the dating game daily. At work, in social gatherings, on the street, in the malls… It’s all about coming as close to the social norm as possible and finding mates for superficial contacts. I don’t like that. At all. This might be the reason why to this date I am still single. I should be more superficial, wear different clothes, lose those extra kilos and be a robot in our system.

It is harsh when other girls are picked over me by other men. My confidence experiences a knock, but I keep reminding myself that MY Mr Right will pick ME, right? After all these years in the big city, I still harbour secret feelings of hope towards the belief that HE is still out there. Or is that the crucial point where my downfall lies?