Oh man! So I’ve sworn myself to behave and practice the act of celibacy or sexual restraint and not get involved in any sexual acts whatsoever until the end of February 2013.
Problem? An ex-crush of mine is in town. Need I say more? It is so hard being strong when all you want to do is be bad. We actually never did the deed back then in the days when we first met. We were very good friends though and he knew me inside out and still does.
And now we have time. We been on two dates already, there were acts of romanticism on his part and date two ended with a short kiss good night. I wound myself like an eel in his arms to avoid his kissing me though. Why? I guess my body knows its not right. He is not the one for me. And yet my heart is jumping sideways thinking about him. Being with him.
This situation is quite unbearable. Why I don’t want to get involved? Reason one: there is another woman and I don’t want to be a home-wrecker. Reason two: he has rough ways about him like being sarcastic and sometimes rude when I’m coming too close. It hurts me. Reason three: he is quite big. Yeah yeah, I’m not a model myself so why worry, right? I find him extremely attractive so I guess the body doesn’t matter too much. I have been accused of being too superficial one too many times so perhaps this is my time to prove all these critics wrong.
I will continue to see him. My plan of action; get to know him first and go on innocent dates. Be with him. I just can’t wrap my head around how to allow my heart to deal with him. I’m confused, but I’m sticking to my plan of celibacy. For now.
Single Strife to Happiness 