Single women like to spend time with their single girlfriends. We can gossip about male passer-bys, discuss potential crushes and council each other about our past heartbreaks, and feel understood. Our girlfriends are our no. 1 go-to-persons when there is no partner to consult with. And because we aren’t in a committed relationship, we firgure we can just date them. And so we go out together to movies, cocktails, small vacations, dinner etc, you name it.
A girl’s self worth is often closely linked to her feedback from the male world. We want to be desired, loved and needed, regardless whether we are single or not. But every so often when we date our girlfriends and come across male suitors, we find ourselves stuck in a particular predicament that is rivalry. I have been unlucky so far as to have girlfriends who are either noticeably less or noticeably more attractive than me. And either way you will have trouble, because one friend will always feel left out. Unfortunately, that was me last night.
Saturday night – the single biggest hope of any active single woman out there. Yes, we do meet men at work, online, or at gym. But the likelihood of hitting it off with one man out of the 300 you meet in one night, is quite high. And so we squeeze ourselves into our new dresses, those killer high heels, that make our legs look stunning, and put on make up to perfection. Why? Partly because it makes us feel good about ourselves, partly because we want those looks of admiration and positive commenting on our sleek, glossy hair. But mostly it is because we hope that Mr Right will find us so unbelievably irrestistable, he will sweep us off our feet and promise us a life of luxury and love (that last one might just be my motivation only).
Last night started off so great. I looked good, I felt good, I was in a positive mindset. I was ready for action. And so was my best friend, who is more like a sister to me than anything else, but resembles a bollywood princess, or Ms UAE. You get the picture. And so I was pushed to the background, standing in her shadow while she was living my dream of sifting through prospective hook ups. There was the occasional compliment, look, word or smile directed at me but mostly I felt like the second choice in a cruel, superficial world of city nightlife. She is tall, tanned, thin, has long legs, a carved face to perfection while I am short and pretty much her opposite in all these points. My self esteem received an almost-lethal hit and I was ready to give myself up. What added to this whole scenario was the sighting of an ex crush in the arms of a friend of mine and an ex lover in the throws of drunken face fucking with a bland anonymous stranger.
My night was tainted, the tears began to well and I started to curse myself for making the mistake of going out each time, even though I cannot handle the consequences. I seem to be too sensitive and somehow my brain cannot process the fact that men are out there to hunt women down on weekend nights. Mostly it doesn’t matter who they are, what they look like or what will happen after the time when the hypnotic flash lights are turned off. It’s the moment that counts, chasing the irresistible high. And yes, I have done it before and felt the ultimate high following this brief encounter. But after a while, emptiness forms in its place and its so crippling, it breaks my heart each time. Nights like these are like gym class all over again. The pretty ones are picked first, which leaves normal woman with a natural prettiness like me, empty-handed. My hopes of meeting a good guy where once again shattered.
Did I escape the club, crying, defeated, looking like a complete fool? No I didnt. Why? Because my best friend gave me a good piece of advice that helped me gather up enough self esteem to help me through the night. She said, she hates being hit on by multiple men, in whom she is not at all interested, and who all want her for the one thing only. So it’s not much different to what I am going through. She also reminded me that there are men out there, who like women that are young, old, big, thin, tall, short, tanned, white, funny, conservative, slutty or any combination of this. True, most men go for the obvious beauties mostly but their tastes differ. And she was so right. I know you cannot describe me as a Victoria Secrets’ model, but I do get the occasional interest from men, and for some of them I am the first choice.
Sometimes, like last night, I allow my doubts to overpower my rationality and start a vicious cycle of self-pity. For times like these it is beneficial to have a friend (sister) for whom you have and will always be the first choice…