Alright – so we have pretty much established my “status” in this cruel relationship-driven world we accept as our reality. My colleagues know, my family knows, my friends know, hell, even the guy in the little guard house overlooking my complex knows, I am, and have been, single, for a long, long time.
I am fully aware that I am young, fairly good-looking and stable. My life should be naturally progressing towards a life of two, maybe three in a few years time (if my pounding uterus is to believed), right? Wrong! Why? Because life isn’t a perfect Hollywood movie where the pretty, smart business gal always ends up with the sensitive alpha-male heartthrob. Women are now the bread winners and men increasingly become less desirable in my opinion.
Sound old fashioned and bitter? Yeah, probably. But I do not accept to settle for less than I want and need. Now why am I saying this?
It all started weeks ago when friends of mine insisted I meet their cousin. 31, single, funny, good looking and sweet, I instantly liked him. We went on several “meetings” together. Dinner, dancing, a drink. Nothing too fancy that would scream the scary and often too easily used term “date”. (That word is so 1955 anyway. Nowadays we meet up, decide we like each other and then have sex if the evening went well. It’s got little in common with the dinner-and-kiss-goodbye scenarios we heard of in our parents’ tell-all moments or in aforementioned Hollywood movies.)
The “meetings” went well. We spent some time together, covered important personal details such as childhood, future hopes and dreams. There were moments of touching, flirting but it never went further, and I think I know why. I was too dominant. I voiced my opinions openly, I walked in front, I drove the car, I freaking offered to pay the freaking bill. I might as well just cut his balls off… un-freaking-believable. My mom once said that women in our family suppress weak men. She was so right. I like being who I am, but I guess the poor lad was a little overwhelmed.
Needless to say, it didn’t work out between us. I guess it’s for the better anyway. I am strong, outspoken and independent, and I need someone who actually LIKES these characteristics and doesn’t feel threatened by them. Yeah I know it’s gross. I know many men who exclusively go for needy and broken so they can feel like men again once they offer whatever little testosterone-driven gestures they have left in them.
But I need and want more than that. I want someone who insists on paying the bill, who will yank the car keys out of my hand when I had one too many to drink and who will treat my best friend like his own sister, not a possible sexual partner. Someone who tries to impress my parents and insists on having a better job than me. Someone who will allow me enough space to be all I can be but defines boundaries to let me know where I belong.
I shall keep up my single status until the day I have met someone like that. I just wish the world would take a chill pill and accept that.
Single Strife to Happiness 