I think I have just read the most depressing article that a single girl can get her hands on:
The lonely legacy of my Sex And The City lifestyle
You can find it here
The article describes the account of a single woman, who spent most of her life leading the single lifestyle. Why? Because she could. Because she was financially independent, liked to indulge once in a while and do the things she wanted to do, without having to compromise.
Now, to me, that is something that I am striving towards.
Problem: she is in her mid-40s now and it becomes increasingly difficult to find a man. Children are out of the question.
The thing is, I WANT to settle down. I WANT to have two or three kids and yes, I would be willing to compromise in order to find domestic bliss like that.
It’s true, I make fun of my settled down friends, how they are being domesticated like pets, stuck in an unforgiving cage of relationship boundaries. And yes, I love coming home to my appartment, where I can relax after a long day, watching my favourite series and not having a fit over someone else’s dirty dishes lying around. BUT I always pictured myself a mom and wife. Not now, but sometime in the future. I just haven’t felt ready yet.
But after reading the aforementioned article, I am beginning to wonder whether I am even cut out for a life like that, whether that moment will ever come, when I realize, I want to be married now and have children… I believe I will have to make certain changes and lay the ground work because family life is something I am striving towards. And when is the moment ever right?
It always seemed so easy when my parents told me about how they met, how they married, how they had children. It was natural and the time was right. I always imagined I would know when Mr Right would come along, that things would fall into place.
But times seemed to have changed. Many of my coupled up friends settled down by “just settling” with Mr Right Now, not Mr Right, because they felt it was time. Maybe I ought to do the same. I always said I’d rather be alone than with someone I don’t truly love and to this day I am still upholding this opinion. It seems, however, this kind of attitude lands you a VIP spot in the 40-and-never-been-married category.
Note to self: Be open, be bold. Frigging plan your future before you are too old.
Single Strife to Happiness 
I know you’re really young and 40 seems old, but I’m almost 39 and I just got married 3 years ago. If you go and check out my blog (About pages) you can see recent photos, and you don’t *have* to turn into an old hag just because you’re 40! LOL. My husband’s 7 years younger than I am, and he adores me. I’m really glad I didn’t settle, and I told myself pretty much the same thing you did – I’d rather be alone than in an unhappy relationship. “Unhappy” to me meant anything less than being married to someone I adore and we are best friends. I dated my fair share of so-so men. I had marriage proposals. But I didn’t settle. And now that I’m almost 40, I feel great, I feel young, and I’m really happy that I waited.
Obviously you might meet Mr. Right tomorrow, but people in their 40s aren’t as old as they seem. I’d try not to let it get you down or depress you just because you read about some woman who is 40 something and unmarried. I think that’s pretty unusual actually. I only know one woman who ended up like that and I remember my mum was talking to her about it. My mum kind of nodded knowingly and said, “You liked to play with the boys, huh?” And this beautiful woman in her 40s shook her head and said, “No. The boys played with me.” So maybe that’s the only thing to watch out for.
A respectable, intelligent woman is ALWAYS attractive. Always. And if you look after yourself, eat well, protect your skin from the sun, develop your mind by reading good books, and don’t let the men “play with you”, your worth will actually increase over time, because just as hard as it is to find a good man these days, it’s getting almost as hard to find a good woman. There are loads of divorced men out there who *want* to be with a mature woman, a *thinking* woman. Honestly, you will find someone who will cherish you. Just try to keep your options open …
Hi Tilda!
Thank you for this inspiring comment! I am happy for you that you found your Mr Right.
I’ll just continue to hold my head up high and learn from my experiences – even the really bad ones. My blog is my outlet!! Haha.
I read some of your posts and your About Me page. Sounds like you have a multi dimensional life. I congratulate you and thank you for your great word of advice. It just made my day 🙂
All the best
B
Hi B, I’m really glad that I was able to cheer you up a bit! 🙂 I don’t know why but it seems that we all have to have some bad experiences before Mr Right comes along. I had a seriously bad experience when I was 28. Some people have called it my “mistake” (getting involved with that particular man) but I don’t think it was a mistake.
I learned from it, and it made me appreciate what I have now even more. I might have taken it for granted if I hadn’t had those earlier bad experiences. Plus, as unpleasant as it was at the time, it helped me to refine my list of what was really important to me from a relationship and what I knew I wanted or didn’t want. So it made me wiser. Anyway, we don’t get anything without trying. It’s like panning for gold. You’ll definitely find it, but you may have to sift through a bunch of mud first!! LOL.
Blogging is a good outlet! 🙂 My posts vary hugely depending on my mood! There’s another really funny blog also written by a young woman in her 20s who’s currently single, and I follow it. You might enjoy it. She enjoys a good rant about men, in case you’re interested – http://discoveringdifferent.wordpress.com/
See you soon! 🙂